Are you a 'Down in the Dumps' Daisy?

I think we all know ONE ‘Down in the Dumps Daisy’! Let me share her story with you:

Daisy is a plump woman in her late 40’s. She has strawberry blond hair and blue eyes, with a well worn face. She isn’t athletic in any way, but she does like walking. She feels a bit frumpy in the way that she dresses and she doesn’t care about her appearance anymore because well, no-one's bothered!

She lives in a little 3 bed house in a small town, where the bank and post office staff know her by name. Her husband has a good, well paid job but is away quite a lot. Daisy works as a part time colleague at the local Supermarket. She often feels quite lonely because although she knows a lot of people, she doesn’t have many close friends.

She doesn’t go out very much, but she does love her garden and she likes to paint in acrylics (even though she doesn’t think she is that good at it). She has two children –boys, and they have both left home, one to go to university to study drama (which is a sore subject at home because his dad thinks it’s pointless and will not lead to a proper job) and the other one to work in Australia (he has a good job, like his dad, so he gets all the attention which Daisy does her best to even out a bit), she misses them terribly and since she isn’t that good with technology, she is a bit worried about using things like Facebook to keep in touch.

She is worried about the recession and how it is affecting her husband’s mood. He is always grouchy these days and he takes it out on her – nothing physical, just bad moods which last all over the weekend, so the time they spend together isn’t much fun. Money isn’t a problem, they have enough to get by and pay all their bills, but she worries in case he is made redundant – because having spent all their savings on getting the children settled and through university, they have no savings to fall back on.

Daisy feels that somehow, all the hopes and dreams she once had in her 20’s and 30’s have passed her by, she has lost her zest for life - she doesn’t know exactly what it is that is missing but she knows that something is.

She doesn’t have much to look forward to, although she and her husband plan for holidays, when the time comes to book, he can never get the time off work and then he ends up using up all his holiday in the winter when she doesn’t feel like going away. That is another cause for arguments between them as a couple. They do love each other in a comfortable kind of way. They’ve been together for so long it would be unthinkable to be with anyone else. No-one understands her like he does.

On a day to day basis, Daisy feels: restricted, chained in, hemmed in, frumpy, past it, nothing to show for being on this earth, dull, sad, bored by the hum drum routine, frustrated, she has nothing to look forward to, she puts up and shuts up, she doesn’t like who she has become, but she doesn’t know how to make changes, and even if she did, she would be too scared to take action. She is too afraid to become a Daring Daisy.

Does any of this sound familiar?

So, who exactly is this Daring Daisy?

Daisy has been on a Daisy Breakthrough Day and she looks forward to waking up – every single day, no matter what the weather. Daisy has a strong sense of direction in her life; she has the intention to see the positive side of things, even when life isn’t going her way. She feels good about herself and she is comfortable in her own skin even if it is a bit wrinkly.

She knows that she is special simply because she is unique, and that the work she does really makes a difference, she makes people feel happy just by smiling and taking a genuine interest in them.

She knows that having time to herself is very important, because she sometimes just needs to have some clear space to think ... away from her normal life but surrounded by other women who are in a similar position to her... it’s her support network now. So she makes sure that she has some regular special time away with her Daring Daisy buddies.

She is strong in her intent to change things when they aren’t working, she doesn’t sit back and watch as life pass her by anymore, instead, she is an active and joyful participant. She has lifted herself from a ‘hum drum existence’, to ‘wow, watch out world, here I come’. She has been shown a better way of living. She is confident and understands that change is always possible, because she is the maker of her own fabulous future.

So... what ONE person do you know who might want to make some changes?

Are you searching for a fresh start?

Then I invite you to Turn Your POWER Switch On with my Daisy Breakthrough Day!

If you are ready for change, then this is your golden moment of opportunity.

Remember, success likes speedy action and places are limited to just 4 per month, so pick up the ‘phone right now to book; 01249 824866 or email info@bridienelson.com

Is there adventure and excitement in your life?

For a very long time, I've been a bit of a thrill seeker, anything with a hint of danger, anything involving speed and I'm there having a go. It makes me feel alive!

Because I know the amazing impact it has on confidence, self esteem and self belief, I decided that I wanted to be able to share this passion I have with my clients. So, working with a beautiful country house adventure centre in Wales, I've developed a programme for people of all ages and abilities, to take them away from their everyday lives and give them a taste of excitement.

Dates and full details coming soon, places are limited so if you want to register your interest now drop me an email.

Here is a snippet from my new e-book: "You want to do a jump – like they do in the SAS – push off the rock with both feet at the same time and let a bit of rope out. So you decide to have a go, and ... oh my goodness ..."

If you need 9 reasons to bring adventure into life, my free e-book is available to download from the website: www.bridienelson.com

Exciting times

This year is a very special year for me and I am undergoing quite a transformation both personally and in my business.

After attending the fabulous Allison Marlowe's Hampshire Winning Women event with guest speaker Lucy Whittington, I am finally doing what I love to do, what I am great at... my special 'thing'. I'm finally Being A Business Celebrity.

We all have a special 'thing' and usually it is so obvious that we can't see it. But it is there and all you have to do is look for it.

So, if you want to find out more about what my 'thing' is, then take a look at www.bridienelson.com

if you would like to find out more about Being a Business Celebrity, go to www.beingabusinesscelebrity.com

and if you would like to come along to the Hampshire Winning Women networking events, go to
www.hwwba.co.uk/networking

A better way!

This month I want to talk to you about the power of positive thinking. When living with a condition which; we have very little control over, is difficult to manage and impacts our lives in many different ways, it is very easy to start to become very negative in the way we think, feel, speak and behave. Even if we were bright and positive people ‘before’, living with health issues can get even the sunniest of people down and eventually it can become a natural reaction to be a negative, ‘glass half empty’ person.

You might wonder why it is important to be positive; well there is one very good reason. You will feel better!

When we can’t change the pain and the medical team have done as much as they can for us, the only thing we can then control is our thoughts. We can decide to think about pain in a different way, accepting it for what it is – just pain. It doesn’t kill us and it isn’t contagious, but it can be devastating if we let it take all the pleasures out of life. I know from personal experience that it can sometimes feel like any joy we might have is being sucked out of us. But there can be a better way. By changing our thoughts and internal chatter as soon as we notice it becoming whingey to something more neutral or positive, we are creating new neural pathways in our brain. It takes a lot of practise and it won’t happen overnight, but eventually it will become a natural reaction to be more positive.

Imagine a field of ripe corn, with a well worn path through it. That path is very easy to follow, it is a natural path to go down and you take it automatically. When you are well practised at reacting in a negative way, it is the negative response which is the well worn path. By consciously choosing to think neutral or positive thoughts, what you are doing is forging a new path through the ripe corn. The first few times you walk the new pathway, it is hard work, you will lose your way and you find yourself drifting back to the old path, but the secret is to consistently and gently, bring your thoughts and words back to neutral or positive. It takes practise to become proficient at positive thinking as a way of life, but it is perfectly possible to change.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. Perhaps your reaction to a bad pain day is to have thoughts and feelings of blame (of yourself and others) and hate? Imagine yourself saying this next paragraph with feeling and passion:

“I hate myself, my stupid body doesn’t work properly, it stops me enjoying myself and it stops me being normal. I’m always miserable and no-one wants to visit me anymore so what’s the point in trying. People are always judging me anyway – I hate them all.”

That well trodden path is so easy to take isn’t it and I can guarantee that you’d feel pretty awful after that little inner dialogue!

Now let’s try a different approach, being positive may be a bit too optimistic for you, so try this one, again imagine that you are saying it with feeling and passion:

“My body has let me down again, but it won’t stop me from having a reasonable day. I try hard not to be miserable and anyone who is worth being a friend of mine understands that this is who I am these days. Some people might judge me - it happens - but I can choose who I will let into my circle of friends”

That might feel a bit uncomfortable, because you may not be used to talking to yourself with kindness, but it is a great start!

Now let’s move on to full blown positive thinking. Imagine yourself saying this to yourself with feeling and passion:

“I love my body exactly as it is and I am going to choose to have a fantastic day no matter what pain I am in. Whenever I find myself feeling miserable, I am going to treat myself with compassion and love, I am going to be my own best friend. I know that people enjoy being around me because I always have a smile on my face even when I am having a bad day”

I know that some of you might be thinking “what does she know” or “she doesn’t have a clue about pain” but actually I do. Negativity came very easily to me in the past and I have worked hard (and still do) to change that. It really is a case of practise and there are four stages to go through. First you will be unconsciously incompetent – in other words you are not familiar with the importance of being positive, you won’t realise that your inner chatter is negative. Stage two is when you start to think about your self talk, and you begin to notice that you are being negative. This is called being consciously incompetent. Then in time, you will notice that more and more, your inner voice is being positive and you actively choose to use positive language, this is the consciously competent stage and eventually you will reach the stage of being unconsciously competent – you won’t notice that you are being positive – you just will be! It’s very much like learning any new skill such as driving a car or riding a bike.

Finding tools to help us is very much like adding on layers of clothes on a cold winter’s day. You begin with your undies, then you might add a thermal top and then you will build up the woolly layers for comfort and warmth. There are many tools to help us manage pain such as going to support groups, talking therapies, complimentary therapies, relaxation and of course your treatment plan which might include medication for pain relief. Positive thinking also plays an important part in reducing your pain levels.

Let’s go back to the suitcase exercise I wrote about last month, you can make it work for you in a different way too. Instead of putting items into your suitcase to help you achieve your goals, think about all the negative baggage you are carrying around with you every single day and make a conscious decision to remove that baggage from your suitcase one piece at a time. Sometimes we need to do this in order to make room for the more useful things we need in life, which will support our future Health, Wealth and Happiness!

What are your personal top tips for managing on bad pain days? Visit www.bridienelson.com and leave me a note!

Pack your suitcase and get ready to make your dreams come true!

Some of you may be getting ready to do a walk for Charity or something much more strenuous like a trek along the Great Wall of China, to raise money for a cause which is dear to you. And as you will know, there is a lot more to it than just turning up on the day and giving it your all!

Success happens by having the end goal in mind and then working backwards, taking time to plan all the steps along the way. This puts you in the best possible place to always achieve what you set out to do and is something I work on with my clients when we do the ‘Suitcase’ exercise.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. When my good friend and colleague Sandi Sayer and I run ‘Dream Team’ workshops, we do a role play as part of the session. I have my own dream of trekking in the Himalayas, and as it’s very easy to be vague about goals (and if you don’t know exactly where you are going, it’s easy to get lost!), Sandi coaches me to pack my suitcase in preparation for success. This is how it goes:

Time to get S.M.A.R.T and make your dreams come true!

Specific – what exactly is my Goal? Well, I have a BIG birthday coming up, and to celebrate the occasion I want to do something which will really be meaningful to me. I want to trek in the Himalayas, I want to work with a health agency to take medical supplies to the poorer communities, I want to sleep under the stars and I want to do part of the journey on a donkey.

Measurable – how will I know that I have achieved it? I will have the photo’s to prove it, I will also have written a diary capturing all the moments along the way, I will have tickets, postcards and souvenirs to put in a scrapbook to pass on to my children.

Agreed – is this a goal that I can agree and set myself or am I being pressured into doing it? Do I need the permission of others in order to achieve it? This is something I want to do myself and although my husband will come with me to support me, I don’t need his permission. The health agency are not pressuring me to take medical supplies, I have a personal contact who carries out gynecological operations - free of charge - in any spare time he can get from his busy NHS clinic and I want to help him.

Realistic – I know that there will be many hurdles to overcome, but others have achieved similar things with similar health issues and so can I. I will need to allow for my FM, and pace myself more so than others, which might mean that I don’t go as part of a larger group. I may not be able to cover great distances in a day and because I have a passion for donkeys, having a long eared ‘friend’ would be a great help. Most importantly, I will need to get help to draw up a realistic exercise programme which will improve my overall fitness and stamina.

Timed – I will have achieved this goal in the year of my BIG birthday.

So, here comes the suitcase part… what do I need to ‘pack’ in order to achieve my goal?

I will need to: contact various travel companies, get appropriate vaccinations, save up enough money, organise visa’s and relevant travel documents, set aside time to plan, create and follow through on an exercise programme, and most importantly I will need a big circle of confidence and lots of positive self belief - I CAN do this!

So now you get the idea, you can try the suitcase exercise yourself. Pick on something you have always wanted to do no matter what that might be and follow the above SMART goal setting format.

Once you have achieved your goal - no matter how large or small - please email me and let me know, I love to hear your success stories!

July is Personal Development month. The Dream Team is offering a three part ‘Self Foundation’ Workshop in Calne, Wiltshire – completely free of charge! To find out more about the Dream Team and the workshop, visit www.bridienelson.com or email to book your place now: dreamteampd@gmail.com

Health, Wealth and Happiness

Due to yet another health problem, my GP has given me the ‘gift’ of compulsory rest, so I’m writing this article from the comfort of my sofa, complete with fluffy throw and the cats for company. This has also meant that I’ve had to temporarily give up working on a project which I am very passionate about and that is proving to be very difficult for me to come to terms with. Once again, I find myself in the position of needing to adjust to the next set of life’s challenges. It isn’t easy, it’s frustrating and frightening and a whole host of other emotions. Even for me, a ‘glass half full’ kind of person, it’s difficult to stay upbeat and positive.

However, looking on the bright side... thanks to Karen Williams and her new book "successful coaches", this period of rest has given me the opportunity to take stock of where I am, to look closely at my personal set of values, and to make sure that the work I’m doing sits in line with them. I know that what I’ve offered in the past has made a real and lasting difference to the lives of my clients, and now I feel a very strong urge to focus much more on clients who want to, and are ready to, ‘move towards health, wealth and happiness’.

And it all comes down to the questions “what does having ‘enough’ mean to me” and “how can I move towards improving my life”. So what does ‘having enough’ mean to me? Well here are a few quick thoughts (there are many more, but I have to keep this brief!)

Health: I don’t mean the physical things – and goodness knows there are enough of them – but the real feeling of wellbeing which comes from acceptance. To be able to accept the things which we can’t change and to change the things which we can. Being an outdoors kind of person, it’s being able to go out into the sunshine for a walk, accepting that I will probably have to crash on the sofa for the rest of the day, the housework will get left (again), and tea will have to be something quick and easy like baked beans on toast. It means being able to eat the food I want to enjoy eating, without getting a flare up of symptoms. Sometimes it will mean deciding to say to myself “to heck with a flare up” when I really want to eat a curry I will. I’ll enjoy it at the time, and I’ll also be prepared to pay the consequences - because it was worth it - especially if it’s a take out, eaten in the company of family and good friends.

Wealth: By this I don’t mean splashing out on the latest designer clothes, a big house, or a flashy car, but to have just ‘enough’. In this I include being able to budget for fuel bills even if it means I don’t get any treats that month, because I’d rather be warm and cosy, than having that fabulous new lippy, which can always wait until next month. It means making the most of what I already have, without necessarily wanting bigger and better, so I make do and mend. It also means being grateful for other riches in my life, my husband, my children and my safe little home – these are my greatest treasures.

Happiness: For me this comes from knowing that all is right in my world and being very thankful. It’s the feeling I get when I wake up looking forward to the day ahead, and I admit it helps if the sun is shining. It’s all about celebrating the fact that I am perfectly fine exactly as I am – I don’t need to be thinner, richer, or healthier. It’s about the satisfaction I get from paying close attention to the little things which make the biggest difference in my day, like the first sip of a freshly brewed cup of coffee in the morning, a chat on the phone with a very dear friend, a quick cuddle with my man, or the wonderful feeling of a nice warm, relaxing shower to soothe my aches and pains. True happiness is the warm feeling of contentment which spreads from the inside out, like soft caramel toffee.

Maybe we are sometimes so focussed on the negative things going on in our lives that we don’t find room for the good things which are right in front of our noses. This month, why not make a list of all the good things you have right in front of YOUR nose!

I’d really love to hear your thoughts on Health, Wealth and Happiness, and what they mean to you. Visit www.bridienelson.com and leave me a note, or post a comment here!

Blue Sky and Apple Pie

Summer is well and truly over. These early winter days are shorter and gloomier and the weather is decidedly damper and colder. For many of us, winter will also bring with it an increase in pain levels and yes, we may well be feeling totally fed up.

Winter doesn’t necessarily have to be like this for you. You can still find ways to beat the blues and once the nights draw in you can make the most of all the good things that this time of year offers you.

Something I like to do at the beginning of each season is to put together a list of joyful things - things I love to experience in autumn, winter, spring and summer. I just sit down quietly for a few minutes with a big piece of paper and start writing. I list all the things which I like to hear, see, feel and do. My winter list goes something like this:

Toasted teacakes and Earl Grey tea; Green & Blacks chocolate; being outdoors in the fresh air with a woolly hat, warm socks and mittens; freshly baked bread; fresh snow; winter sunshine; candlelight; fireworks; peace and quiet; crackling log fire; frost on trees; people who make me laugh; aromatherapy massage; lacy top stockings; lipstick – if nothing else, wear lippy; music; lazy Sunday mornings with breakfast in bed; singing; a good film which makes me cry/laugh; stroking the cats/dog; savouring a glass of spicy mulled red wine; hot chocolate; Christmas markets; roasted chestnuts; sunsets; smell of damp woodland; church bells ringing; fluffy fur throws to cuddle up in; hot water bottles; bedsocks; snow topped mountains; playing carols on the piano; listening to the rain when tucked up under the duvet; going on a train journey; baking cakes; ticking of an old clock; the sound of bagpipes; starlight; reading a good book; easy one pot casseroles; curry with the neighbours; listening to the sea on a stormy day; crisp frosty blue sky days; a slice of warm apple pie after a gentle walk in the country.

When I have listed everything I can think of, I decorate the page to make it look nice, I print it out, and then I stick it up on the fridge. Every time I open the door, I read something off my ‘Joyful Things for Winter’ list and it really does help to cheer me up. I try to do at least one thing from the list every day too; most of them are free so there’s nothing to stop me!

What would you include in your list? Take a few moments yourself, borrow some of my ideas if you like and then stick your list somewhere you will see it often.

I guarantee you will find it lifts your spirits on a dreary dark December day!