Blue Sky and Apple Pie

Summer is well and truly over. These early winter days are shorter and gloomier and the weather is decidedly damper and colder. For many of us, winter will also bring with it an increase in pain levels and yes, we may well be feeling totally fed up.

Winter doesn’t necessarily have to be like this for you. You can still find ways to beat the blues and once the nights draw in you can make the most of all the good things that this time of year offers you.

Something I like to do at the beginning of each season is to put together a list of joyful things - things I love to experience in autumn, winter, spring and summer. I just sit down quietly for a few minutes with a big piece of paper and start writing. I list all the things which I like to hear, see, feel and do. My winter list goes something like this:

Toasted teacakes and Earl Grey tea; Green & Blacks chocolate; being outdoors in the fresh air with a woolly hat, warm socks and mittens; freshly baked bread; fresh snow; winter sunshine; candlelight; fireworks; peace and quiet; crackling log fire; frost on trees; people who make me laugh; aromatherapy massage; lacy top stockings; lipstick – if nothing else, wear lippy; music; lazy Sunday mornings with breakfast in bed; singing; a good film which makes me cry/laugh; stroking the cats/dog; savouring a glass of spicy mulled red wine; hot chocolate; Christmas markets; roasted chestnuts; sunsets; smell of damp woodland; church bells ringing; fluffy fur throws to cuddle up in; hot water bottles; bedsocks; snow topped mountains; playing carols on the piano; listening to the rain when tucked up under the duvet; going on a train journey; baking cakes; ticking of an old clock; the sound of bagpipes; starlight; reading a good book; easy one pot casseroles; curry with the neighbours; listening to the sea on a stormy day; crisp frosty blue sky days; a slice of warm apple pie after a gentle walk in the country.

When I have listed everything I can think of, I decorate the page to make it look nice, I print it out, and then I stick it up on the fridge. Every time I open the door, I read something off my ‘Joyful Things for Winter’ list and it really does help to cheer me up. I try to do at least one thing from the list every day too; most of them are free so there’s nothing to stop me!

What would you include in your list? Take a few moments yourself, borrow some of my ideas if you like and then stick your list somewhere you will see it often.

I guarantee you will find it lifts your spirits on a dreary dark December day!

Accepting Life for What it Is

Lots of us have a mental picture of what successful is; how it looks, sounds, and feels, and for many that includes that we have to be perfect. We feel that we need to be perfect parents, perfect siblings, be in perfect health, be a perfect weight and have perfect relationships.

Let me tell you right here and now, that this is simply not true! If these are the kind of thoughts you allow yourself to have, then you are setting yourself up for failure and there really is no need.

What makes us unique individuals are our imperfections. Don’t spend every moment regretting the things which you can’t do, instead enjoy every minute being the person you are right now, today, this moment. It is much better to be authentic and true to yourself and your needs, to accept your limitations and to stick to the values you hold, than to model yourself on others who appear to have it all. Believe me when I tell you that each one of us has imperfections, even the rich and famous.

Don’t keep beating yourself up just because you haven’t achieved all the things you wanted to in life – some of you might even be feeling that life will never be the same again, that you will never get yourself back to a place where you will be happy.

The only certainty in life is change, especially when living with long term health issues. Priorities change, and they are constantly changing. What is important to you today may not be so important next week/month/year. It’s useful to keep reminding yourself that everything passes, even bad pain days. Take time to think about the positive things which are going on in your life today, things you can feel truly grateful for; your children, your family, your work, your hobbies, your friends, your pets.

Remember that opinions others hold about you are just that – opinions – not facts. You do not need to have the approval of others to be self confident, successful and happy. If you find yourself in a situation where someone is upsetting you by their actions or their words, walk away. Negative people are often driven by their own insecurities, so step back and ask yourself, “what is the truth here?”, you might get some surprising answers popping into your head! You have an absolute right to surround yourself with positive people who support you, so stand your ground and do what is best for you.

Be your own best friend, look after yourself, talk nicely to yourself. Relax when you need to, sleep when you are tired, have a gentle day when you are in pain and eat from a rainbow of colours on your plate at each meal.

Get used to accepting yourself, because you are perfectly imperfect, just as you are!

Visit www.bridienelson.com to sign up for your free e-book

Tips to boost your self esteem

1. Take a few moments each day to really appreciate yourself
One of the first things you can do when you wake up in the morning is to think about what makes you the special and unique person that you are. Now it might not be easy to come up with a long list at first, but as you get used to noticing some of the nice things people say to you and about you, it will get easier. It doesn’t have to be big stuff, it can be small things such as remembering that people often tell you that you have a lovely smile or nice eyes or that you have a fantastic sense of humour.
2. Remember the times where you have been successful in the past
Think about all the times when you’ve been really good at something. Make a list in a little book (get yourself the prettiest little notebook you can find) and keep it with you all the time, so that you can keep adding to it. Look at it to remind you how good it feels to be successful and look at it often. When you feel your confidence is disappearing in a moment of panic, take a quick look in your ‘success book’ and read about all the times you have overcome your fear in the past. Whatever is eating at your confidence, know deep down that you can do this!
3. Mix with positive happy people
I know I’ve said this before in my free e-book “A-Z of Feeling Great”, but I truly believe it makes such a huge difference to our lives if we mix with positive people. Not only will their lightness of mood be good for your soul, you can also model their positive behaviour to get great results yourself. So when you are in need of cheering up, go out and spend some time with an energy angel, someone who makes you feel happy. Make a mental note of the positive words they regularly use and the positive outlook they have and include it in your everyday life. And if you don’t much feel like being positive, you know the old saying, fake it ’til you make it – you can’t keep a smile suppressed for long!
4. Listen out for any negative self-talk and stop it – fast!
You know how it is, you make a little mistake; spill a drink on a friends cream carpet, forget to post an important letter… and you call yourself a silly cow or something equally offensive or worse. Would you actually talk to a good friend in the way you talk to yourself at times I wonder? Probably not – or they wouldn’t be a good friend for long. Keep a check and be mindful of the amount of times you talk negatively to yourself and instead of saying “silly cow” say something like “I didn’t expect that to happen!” and smile about it instead – after all, you are probably past the point of being able to change what has happened, so what is the good of calling yourself names to make yourself feel even worse? The more you tell your subconscious mind that you aren’t any good, the more it will become a reality for you. Remember, what you think affects how you feel. What you feel affects how you behave and how you behave affects how you think about yourself. Break this destructive cycle, be kind to yourself for a change!
5. The gift of words
Giving and more importantly receiving compliments is crucial to increasing your self esteem. OK, I know how hard it is when someone says something nice to you and you really don’t agree with them or you simply don’t believe it. But trust me, a simple thank you is all you need to say to acknowledge what they are telling you. It will make them feel happy that you have accepted their gift – because that is exactly what it is – a gift of words. More to the point, if you insist on rejecting compliments, sooner or later people might stop paying you any.
6. Affirmations
Now some people are quite embarrassed at the thought of using positive affirmations. But in my experience, if you use them every day it really is very effective at tapping into your subconscious mind to alter the way you feel about yourself. Pick out a negative belief which you hold to be true such as; “I’m not a confident person, I’m no good at anything anymore” and change it to say “I am a confident person who is has many skills to offer and I look for ways to learn something new each day”. It’s a good idea to focus on just three areas of negative belief to work on at a time. Practice positive affirmations every day and you will soon find it gets easier to feel more positive about yourself. It is worth persevering for at least 30 days and then you will find that it becomes an unconscious habit.
7. Be a lion!
You are a unique and wonderful human being so celebrate the fact that you are different to other people. It really doesn’t matter how others see you, it really doesn’t matter how you compare to anyone else. What really matters is how you see yourself. Make sure that when you look in the mirror, you welcome the lion that’s waking up inside you!

Go Bananas!

Eat a banana every day. All wrapped up in its own fluorescent jacket, easy to eat - preferably with your breakfast - anytime is good.

For a start they are a fantastic bright and cheerful colour to start the day with and they are a funny shape which never quite fits into your lunchbox so you often end up eating it on the way to work!

Bananas are nature’s good mood food, because the tryptophan in bananas converts to serotonin and may naturally help sufferers overcome ‘the blues’. They are naturally low in fat and high in vitamins and minerals like potassium, calcium, magnesium - vitamins A, B and even a little C!

Great as a stress buster, it is also said that they can ease morning sickness and PMS, so that’s one to remember for all the guys reading this... however it might be a good idea to give the goddess in your life a box of dark choccies as well as a banana at that time of the month!

And if you are suffering from a hangover and find yourself muttering “never again”, a good homemade remedy is to make up a banana shake drink - blitzed in a blender with some milk and honey – makes it almost worth it!

One of our favourite ways to make sure we get some of this fantastic all round HERB (yes, apparently it is actually a very large herb, not a tree at all) is to bake a yummy banana loaf, delicious eaten warm from the oven and spread with a little bit of butter.

We think they taste great no matter how you eat them so feel free to go bananas and enjoy all those health giving benefits!

Don't wait until the next time to get C-Z, just go to http://bridienelson.com for a free copy of my e-book!

A-Z of Feeling Great Every Day of the Week part 1

A is for Aromatherapy - a healing art which can be traced back more than 6000 years.

This complimentary therapy is the practice of using naturally extracted aromatic essences from plants - known as essential oils - to balance, harmonise and promote the health of body, mind and spirit.

It can help to relieve some of the symptoms of stress including; skin problems, poor digestion, lack of energy, general aches and pains and anxiety. It can increase vitality and give the immune system a boost and it can also encourage peaceful sleep.

Aromatherapy can be particularly beneficial to those who have long term health conditions as it can help to support recovery during flare ups, maintain optimum health, and promote physical, emotional and mental well-being.

There are many ways to enjoy the benefits of essential oils from a full body massage by a qualified Aromatherapist (the most soothing and relaxing method—which has the added benefit of the human touch), a few drops added to your bath water, or used in a vaporiser.

A simple hand massage is a treat which you can give yourself any day you like and there is nothing quite like soaking your feet after a long hard day using some soothing essential oils.

And if you are feeling stressed out by life, try this tip: take a lemon or a lime, cut it in half and stand it somewhere near to you, so that you can pick it up and get a lovely citrus burst – it really is natures handy pick me up!

Don't wait until the next time to get B-Z, just go to http://bridienelson.com for a free copy of my e-book!

Isolation, loneliness and fear

One of the awful things about living with any long term health issue – apart from the health issue itself, is the feeling of isolation. It’s very difficult when you are no longer the healthy, fit and active person you used to be. You feel different to all your friends and family, and they in turn, often get frustrated when you are not able to function in the way that they might expect (or want) you to. You find yourself having to cancel appointments at short notice when your energy runs out or your pain levels are too high and you become a very ‘unreliable’ friend. So it isn’t much of a surprise to find that one by one, your friends start to disappear off the radar.

And so you are left with the awful feeling of loneliness that often goes hand in hand with long term health problems. No one is there to understand, to sympathise or appreciate what it really feels like to live with a chronic health condition. Your life seems to be one long cycle of doctor’s appointments, visits to the hospital and tests, so you don’t feel much like socialising even when you do have the energy.

And then there is the fear, it’s all too easy to have thoughts such as; “What if my partner finds someone else, someone who is more like the person I used to be – what if he/she gives up on me too” and “if I feel like this now, how will I manage with all the normal health issues which coincide with growing old” or “how can I get through another day of this”.

One thing you can do to help with these feelings is to have a more positive mindset. Patient support groups can be really helpful – both online and face to face and they are not all dull and dreary. Being around people who face similar problems to you can be a great comfort, so choose to live with gratitude for all the things you can enjoy, if you look hard you will find many things to bring a touch of happiness to your day.

Get your FREE e-book "A-Z of Feeling Great Every Day of the Week" go to http://www.bridienelson.com

living with chronic pain

The road to being an expert by way of experience in any particular health issue is a long one.

I have plenty of experience and still I forget to do all the things which I KNOW will help me. So last week when I had the tiny beginnnings of a flare up in pain levels... did I do what I knew would help: rest, look after myself, say NO... or did I plod onwards hoping that it would all be okay.

Yes, you guessed, because I didn't want to let people down, I carried on without stopping to remember that increased pain is my body trying to tell me something! It is a small cry, a gentle reminder that if I carry on doing what I'm doing then my life will become very unpleasant indeed.

Now that I am feeling the full force of a major pain flare up, it's easy in hindsight to say "if only I had listened out for the warning signs, if only I had taken notice when I first felt the twinges". But looking back with regret won't change the fact that today, I have to look after myself, that today, I have to choose to be selfish, that today I will have a duvet day and let my poor hurting body recover.

So next time my body tries to tell me to slow down, I will listen and I will be committed to taking appropriate action, whatever that might be at the time and I won't forget how it feels to be hurting like this... a bit like those drinking sessions I had in my youth when I said... never again... and then a few weeks later...

Stay well and happy!

Time to let go?

My challenge this week is to make some decisions on whether or not to step down from running a charity I set up from scratch in 2007. It's a real dilema, because it has been my baby for many years, but it's well established now and I'm feeling a bit jaded.

The question is, can I let it go just yet and do I want to? What would happen if I did - would it be poorly managed, would the new leaders steer it in a direction which isn't in line with my own personal vision...

Sometimes you just have to trust your instinct and the ability of others to do a great job without you being around. Sometimes you have to realise that you cannot hold onto something to such an extent that you are stopping it from developing and growing. You cannot hold others back and you have to know the right time to let go.

This is relevant in so many areas of life; in business, our children, even relationships.

And it takes a great deal of courage to walk away without looking over your shoulder wondering 'what if'.

Is it 'good enough'?

Recently I've been writing a little e-book to give away to subscribers to my website and I'm sure many people who know me are wondering if I have gone completely mad.

And I must admit I have had the wobbles about it, asking the BIG question: What if it isn't good enough? That big question often opens the door to a lot more self doubt: why would anyone be interested in what I have to say? People will laugh at me, I'm no good at writing...

In the end though, I came around to more positive thoughts: we are all unique and different and although my writing will not appeal to everyone, it will appeal to those for whom it has been written.

I enjoy writing, I enjoy creating something which I would like to read myself and I like making it look visually attractive too. Perhaps I have to accept reality - I may not be a best selling author (although I'd never say never), but I have had a lot of fun having a go at being creating.

So don't let self doubt stop you from taking a big step forward - trust in your ability to make some people happy for some of the time!

Have you ever been awake at 4am, thinking about 'the problem'?

You might know the feeling. You have something on your mind, a problem which is so big you just can't see a way around it. You focus on it all day, you go from worrying endlessly - to giving yourself a shake because you know what you really need to be doing is reminding yourself of all the positive things going on in your life as well as ‘the problem’!

It's so hard to remember that things often happen for a reason, especially when you can't see it at the time. This is how it’s been for me just lately.

Then the other night, I had a sudden breakthrough. I went to bed, and as usual started to dwell on 'the problem'. I guessed that I was in for another restless night... and I was, but at about 4am I had a breakthrough. Suddenly - out of the blue, the clouds had lifted on this particularly difficult issue I had been fighting with and I knew exactly what I needed to do.

It was a magical moment. I had forgotten how important it is to be really true to yourself, to be authentic, to be proud of who you are even if it’s different to what others might expect of you.

So next time I'm wasting time worrying, I really am going to try to hold onto the fact that everything does happen for a reason and it happens at exactly the right time.

Sometimes you flow fast with the rapids and sometimes you meander along gently. And as a good friend once told me, if you start paddling up the river, you are going to make waves for yourself and you might even capsize!

So, you might be wondering what this coaching malarkey is all about?

Well, there are many definitions of coaching, but in the case of health crisis coaching, it’s a tool which enables you to build up your confidence and self belief and this is particularly relevant when you have health issues because it’s so easy to feel unattractive when you have to cope with weight gain, medication, pain and fatigue on a moment to moment basis and of course, this has a knock on effect on relationships.

Coaching also helps you to achieve harmony and balance in your life so that you can better manage the bad pain days – I enable clients to put together some strategies to manage pain holistically, based on what feels right for them and I encourage clients to work positively with their health care professionals to find the optimum treatment plan.

Coaching can help you to achieve all that you are capable of in the workplace in spite of your health issues and it can give you the confidence to ask for your needs to be met. Whether that is to ask for special cushioning or seating at work, to apply for a Blue Badge, or even to help you come to terms with using an aid for walking.

Coaching can also help you face up to the fact that some days you will not be able to manage what you feel you ‘should’ be doing, and I help clients get around the problem of explaining to work colleagues, family and friends that you may occasionally have to let them down.

My aim is to help clients plan for a different kind of ‘normal living’ which takes into account their health issues, so that they are able to live a life which has real meaning and joy; at work, at play and at home. What every person does possess (with or without chronic health issues) is the capability to enjoy life fully.

The black hole

Is coaching always appropriate? It's an interesting question isn't it. And when I'm working with someone who is living through a devastating life event, there can sometimes be a very fine line between the desire to be coached and the need for another service such as psychotherapy or counselling.

A life crisis can turn the world as you know it upside down and it's easy to feel that you have lost your will to fight back. It's easy to block out what is happening in reality and hope it goes away.

The best way to describe this is the black hole of despair. When a client is in free fall, it takes a shift in thinking to realise that it is possible to stop the fall to the bottom. It takes a shift in thinking to make the decision to take back control.

I help clients make that shift in thinking, I can be a small glimmer of hope; hope that there is a way forward, and together we plan for a future life that you really want to live.