This month I want to talk to you about the power of positive thinking. When living with a condition which; we have very little control over, is difficult to manage and impacts our lives in many different ways, it is very easy to start to become very negative in the way we think, feel, speak and behave. Even if we were bright and positive people ‘before’, living with health issues can get even the sunniest of people down and eventually it can become a natural reaction to be a negative, ‘glass half empty’ person.You might wonder why it is important to be positive; well there is one very good reason. You will feel better!
When we can’t change the pain and the medical team have done as much as they can for us, the only thing we can then control is our thoughts. We can decide to think about pain in a different way, accepting it for what it is – just pain. It doesn’t kill us and it isn’t contagious, but it can be devastating if we let it take all the pleasures out of life. I know from personal experience that it can sometimes feel like any joy we might have is being sucked out of us. But there can be a better way. By changing our thoughts and internal chatter as soon as we notice it becoming whingey to something more neutral or positive, we are creating new neural pathways in our brain. It takes a lot of practise and it won’t happen overnight, but eventually it will become a natural reaction to be more positive.
Imagine a field of ripe corn, with a well worn path through it. That path is very easy to follow, it is a natural path to go down and you take it automatically. When you are well practised at reacting in a negative way, it is the negative response which is the well worn path. By consciously choosing to think neutral or positive thoughts, what you are doing is forging a new path through the ripe corn. The first few times you walk the new pathway, it is hard work, you will lose your way and you find yourself drifting back to the old path, but the secret is to consistently and gently, bring your thoughts and words back to neutral or positive. It takes practise to become proficient at positive thinking as a way of life, but it is perfectly possible to change.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. Perhaps your reaction to a bad pain day is to have thoughts and feelings of blame (of yourself and others) and hate? Imagine yourself saying this next paragraph with feeling and passion:
“I hate myself, my stupid body doesn’t work properly, it stops me enjoying myself and it stops me being normal. I’m always miserable and no-one wants to visit me anymore so what’s the point in trying. People are always judging me anyway – I hate them all.”
That well trodden path is so easy to take isn’t it and I can guarantee that you’d feel pretty awful after that little inner dialogue!
Now let’s try a different approach, being positive may be a bit too optimistic for you, so try this one, again imagine that you are saying it with feeling and passion:
“My body has let me down again, but it won’t stop me from having a reasonable day. I try hard not to be miserable and anyone who is worth being a friend of mine understands that this is who I am these days. Some people might judge me - it happens - but I can choose who I will let into my circle of friends”
That might feel a bit uncomfortable, because you may not be used to talking to yourself with kindness, but it is a great start!
Now let’s move on to full blown positive thinking. Imagine yourself saying this to yourself with feeling and passion:
“I love my body exactly as it is and I am going to choose to have a fantastic day no matter what pain I am in. Whenever I find myself feeling miserable, I am going to treat myself with compassion and love, I am going to be my own best friend. I know that people enjoy being around me because I always have a smile on my face even when I am having a bad day”
I know that some of you might be thinking “what does she know” or “she doesn’t have a clue about pain” but actually I do. Negativity came very easily to me in the past and I have worked hard (and still do) to change that. It really is a case of practise and there are four stages to go through. First you will be unconsciously incompetent – in other words you are not familiar with the importance of being positive, you won’t realise that your inner chatter is negative. Stage two is when you start to think about your self talk, and you begin to notice that you are being negative. This is called being consciously incompetent. Then in time, you will notice that more and more, your inner voice is being positive and you actively choose to use positive language, this is the consciously competent stage and eventually you will reach the stage of being unconsciously competent – you won’t notice that you are being positive – you just will be! It’s very much like learning any new skill such as driving a car or riding a bike.
Finding tools to help us is very much like adding on layers of clothes on a cold winter’s day. You begin with your undies, then you might add a thermal top and then you will build up the woolly layers for comfort and warmth. There are many tools to help us manage pain such as going to support groups, talking therapies, complimentary therapies, relaxation and of course your treatment plan which might include medication for pain relief. Positive thinking also plays an important part in reducing your pain levels.
Let’s go back to the suitcase exercise I wrote about last month, you can make it work for you in a different way too. Instead of putting items into your suitcase to help you achieve your goals, think about all the negative baggage you are carrying around with you every single day and make a conscious decision to remove that baggage from your suitcase one piece at a time. Sometimes we need to do this in order to make room for the more useful things we need in life, which will support our future Health, Wealth and Happiness!
What are your personal top tips for managing on bad pain days? Visit www.bridienelson.com and leave me a note!
